


Aristotle, Is That YOU?

by illbefinealone



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Gen, Heaven vs Hell, Texting, brendon getting philosophical, cameos by so many people, no one's drunk, this is just texts i don't know why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illbefinealone/pseuds/illbefinealone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon has some philosophical discussions going on in his head and he wants to share them with someone. Mikey is on board with the whole hell versus heaven thing.<br/>And Pete must know what The Bible says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aristotle, Is That YOU?

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know. I know nothing. It was Saturday after midnight and I been drinking. Not excessively, but booze was involved.
> 
> When I woke up to Hallelujah I knew I had to post it today.
> 
> This might be the shortest note I will ever write. And these are the most correctly spelled texts. I know no one texts like this, fixing it is too much work.
> 
> Prompt me on tumblr: illbefinealone.tumblr.com

 

 _1:48 am_  
_To: Pete, Spence, ‘Trick, Dallon, Old Way, Young Way, Joe, Alex, Andy, Tyler, Josh, Jeremy, Gabe, Bilvy, Jack_  
  
_If hell is supposed to be this incredibly hot place where there’s fire everywhere and whores and strippers and if heaven is supposed to be the complete opposite of hell does it mean that it’s cold in heaven? I don’t like being cold._

  
  
It’s ten minutes of complete silence afterwards, no one answers. It’s just Brendon and his ridiculous questions, always after midnight.

  
  
_1:59 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_If it is cold is it like freezing cold or is it just a little chilly? And are there really no whores there? Do people get laid in heaven or is it all about masturbation?_

  
  
That’s exactly what Brendon was thinking. It’s all about sex anyway, orgasms are the meaning of life.

  
  
_2:01 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_And where are the fucking angels, do you mingle with them or are they like celebs?_

  
  
_2:02 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_Do you buy tickets to see them; can one reserve some in advance? Do angels give TED talks? Does one need a backstage pass?_

  
  
_2:03 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_Do you have a copy of the bible? I need to fact check this shit._

  
  
_2:04 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_Do I look like I have a copy of the bible?_

  
  
_2:05 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_Sorry. I’ll get back to ya soon. Pete must have one._

  
  
_2:06 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_He must have one… because he is such a believer?_

  
  
_2:06 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_Don’t sass me. I know it runs in the family, but don't._

  
  
_2:06 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Pete._

  
  
_2:07 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Pete?_

  
  
_2:07 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_I’m kidnapped Pete. Answer a fucking text._

  
  
_2:08 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_Not gonna sass anymore._

  
  
_2:09 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_PEEETEEEEEE!_

  
  
_2:09 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Come on Pete, don’t be a sourpuss._

  
  
_2:10 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Pete, do you have a bible? I need to check something._

  
  
_2:11 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Oh PETEYYYY!_

  
  
_2:13 am_  
_From: Pete_  
  
_If I had a bible, which I don’t, I wouldn’t recommend you going close to one, it will set itself on fire._

  
  
_2:14 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Is it cold in heaven?_

  
  
_2:15 am_  
_From: Pete_  
  
_Heaven is supposed to be whatever you want it to be. As long as you’re comfortable, if you like ice bergs, you get ice bergs._

  
  
_2:17 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Does one get off?_

  
  
_2:21 am_  
_From: Pete_  
  
_I will send a messenger to tell you what it’s like once I get there._

  
  
_2:23 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Dude, you’re like the textbook example of someone going to hell._

  
  
_2:24 am_  
_From: Pete_  
  
_Not once I murder you. All my sins will be forgiven once I do humanity that favor._

  
  
_2:27 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_Pete says that heaven is like your dream place, so ix-nay on the sweater weather if you don’t want it._

  
  
_2:29 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_What about sex?_

  
  
_2:30 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_Pete says he’ll send a message once he gets to heaven._

  
  
_2:32 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_Pete will be send to purgatory._

  
  
_2:36 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_Apparently not once he kills me._

  
  
_2:38 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_He can do shit, you’re under my protection._

  
  
_2:39 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_Thank you Mikes._

  
  
_2:41 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_Mikey Way will protect me from you._

  
  
_2:46 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_So in conclusion, hell is definitely better._

  
  
_2:48 am_  
_To: Young Way_  
  
_Don’t care, I will be there anyway._

  
  
_2:49 am_  
_From: Young Way_  
  
_And I’ll keep you company, don’t worry._

  
  
_2:53 am_  
_From: Pete_  
  
_You know Mikey is my soft spot, how dare you use him against me._

  
  
_2:55 am_  
_To: Pete_  
  
_It was his idea._

  
  
  
Brendon has a great time falling asleep after that. One question kind of answered, only two hundred thousand to go.  
  
He sent the first text to a lot of people. And the rest of the answers come the next day.  


  
  
_8:18 am_  
_From: Andy_  
  
_Is this why Pete was talking about bibles in the middle of the night?_

  
  
_8:58 am_  
_From: Jeremy_  
  
_Don’t worry about it, you still got time._

  
  
_9:22 am_  
_From: Jack_  
  
_All I know is that you will never find out._

  
  
_10:37 am_  
_From: Old Way_  
  
_Whatever you’re on, I want some._

  
  
_10:43 pm_  
_To: Andy_  
  
_Maybe._

  
  
_10:45 pm_  
_From: Andy_  
  
_If he doesn’t know then no one knows._

  
  


_11:06 am_  
_From: Gabe_  
  
_Since when are you religious?_

  
  
_11:51 am_  
_From: ‘Trick_  
  
_I don’t know, but hell sounds more fun._

  
  
_11:53 am_  
_To: ‘Trick_  
  
_So far it’s me, you and Mikey on the hell squad. We need to recruit Joe._

  
  
_11:56 am_  
_From: ‘Trick_  
  
_I’m on it._

  
  
_12:07 pm_  
_From: Tyler_  
  
_It can’t be cold. I imagine it like springtime._

  
  
_12:40 pm_  
_From: Dallon_  
  
_You really need to cut down the booze, Bren._

  
  
_1:17 pm_  
_From: Alex_  
  
_Aristotle, is that you?_

  
  
_1:21 pm_  
_To: Alex_  
  
_Always the comedian._

  
  
_2:16 pm_  
_From: Josh_  
  
_I don’t know man, ask Tyler._

  
  
_2:37 pm_  
_From: Spence_  
  
_That text woke me up so I decided not to answer. I don’t know anyway._

  
  
_2:41 pm_  
_To: Spence_  
  
_Sorry I woke you. Next time call me so I can sing you a lullaby._

  
  
_3:04 pm_  
_From: Bilvy_  
  
_Think ahead and take a fucking jacket as your carry on just in case, you angel._

  
  
_3:23 pm_  
_From: Joe_  
  
_Like I give a shit about that stuff. But I’m in on the squad thing._


End file.
